Untitled virgin Bones prompt fill
by Caera1996
Summary: Full prompt in story; basically, Jim's reaction when he finds out Bones is essentially a virgin. This is will be developed into a full story.


This is what popped into my head when I saw the following prompt on the LiveJournal Star Trek Kink Meme: probably going to develop into a full story, but this is what popped into my head when I saw this prompt:

_virgin!Bones_

_Though he may have given oral/manual sex Bones is, essentially, a virgin. He thought he could overcome his sex phobia with his wife (maybe he was abused when younger, maybe it's just a psychological *thing*, whatever) but he couldn't, and that's why they divorced._

_Cue Jim, who Bones thinks he might trust enough to let touch him. A phobia is a hard thing to overcome, but Jim, for once in his life, is willing to be patient and loving for as long as it takes._

This is just a little snippet and will be developed into a full story. Currently I'm working on Muscle Memory, Part 3, which I should have up sometime today.

* * *

"Never?" Jim questioned. McCoy was blushing so hard he felt feverish. He really wished Jim didn't sound so damn incredulous. This was hard enough. "But…you were married!" McCoy snorted, tossed back the rest of his drink.

"Yeah. See how well that worked out," he grumbled. He could feel Jim's eyes on him, but didn't look up. He couldn't.

"Joanna?" Jim asked. McCoy could hear the confusion in his voice.

"We adopted her when Jocelyn's cousin and his wife were killed in a car accident. She was just 4 months."

"Oh." Jim sat quietly for a while. McCoy could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. He was also fairly certain that this conversation wasn't over…no matter how much he wished it was. There was another, inevitable question that he was sure Jim was going to ask.

"So…have you never…done anything?" Jim finally asked. And while that was not the particular question he'd been dreading, it was still humiliating. This whole damn thing was humiliating. He sat there, staring at the table, his glass unfortunately empty, struggling with an intense desire to just walk out…walk away. It would be so easy to walk away. Easier, anyway. Finally, he forced himself to answer. Jim deserved answers.

"I have no problem going down on someone, or using fingers, or, or toys…I-I just can't--" McCoy broke off, and shook his head, unable to continue and absolutely miserable. He never thought he would actually wish for a medical emergency bad enough to interrupt a rare evening off, but that was exactly what he was doing right now. He hated himself just a little more for that.

Jim's heart ached for his best friend, the man he loved, as he sat there, looking like he wanted to sink into the earth. Bones hadn't looked at him once during this whole, terrible conversation, and he wished with all his soul that he could take this obvious pain from him. He fought against an impulse to get up and wrap Bones in a hug, unsure if such physicality would be welcome right now given how emotionally raw he seemed.

"Bones," Jim said. He waited for a moment. "Bones…please look at me,"

McCoy sighed heavily, and forced himself to meet Jim's eyes.

"Jim," he said softly. "I'll understand if – if you don't want…this…us to continue."

_Okay, that's it,_ Jim thought. He stood abruptly and went to McCoy, who looked up in surprise. Jim urged him out of his seat by grasping McCoy's upper arms. He allowed it, probably because he was too shocked to resist, and Jim wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight. Bones was stiff at first, not sure what was happening, what Jim was saying. After a second, though, he slowly responded, holding on to Jim, clinging a little, and pressing his face against Jim's shoulder.

McCoy squeezed his eyes closed, overcome, and still not sure if this was a hug goodbye. He hoped not…god, he loved him. He felt himself tearing up and blinked rapidly, taking a deep, shaky breath. He desperately did not want to add crying like a damned girl to the list of this night's humiliations. When Jim finally let go and moved slightly away, McCoy was surprised to see tears in _his_ eyes.

"I would never, never leave you because of this Bones. You're…you're too important. You mean too much. You're my best friend. You make me better, and I don't think I can be me anymore without you. I…_love_ you," Jim said, sounding more than a little awed, as if he was just able to put words to something he'd been feeling for a while but couldn't describe. McCoy opened his mouth to answer, but Jim continued before he could. "If this is why Jocelyn left, then she's a bigger fool than I could've ever imagined. But I'm so, so grateful she did because otherwise…" Jim trailed off and gave a little shrug. He looked slightly embarrassed. "Otherwise, I wouldn't have you." Jim watched McCoy's eyes play over his face, and hoped to god that he would see the sincere truthfulness behind his words.

"Jim," McCoy said weakly. "I…you might not be able to fix me." Jim's eyes hardened slightly.

"Stop it. You're not broken. There's nothing to fix."

"You don't know that. You don't even know why…"

"It doesn't matter!" Jim's voice was raised in the force of his words. He pulled them together again, their bodies fitting together effortlessly. "If something happened, if it's something psychological or physical, or if it's just _you_, whatever it is, it's such a small part of who you are. I love who you are. I've realized I love _you_. I loved you before I knew about this, and I'll love you even if it never changes."

They stood there, clinging to each other, and McCoy dared to allow himself to believe him.


End file.
